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Post  :uss on Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:21 am

The definition of irony;
Not knowing the difference between a definition and an example.

Men think about sex every seven seconds.
Which is why I eat hot dogs in under six seconds...
so it doesn't get weird.

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."
But she did.

My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo cunt sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'

I have blue eyes. I got them from my father.
My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father.

One of my friends on facebook just joined one of the facebook groups "I hate it when people join pointless groups for no reason". Idiot.

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